I want to start out by saying that the last thing a person wants to hear when they have been harmed or hurt is anything about forgiving the person who caused them harm. It feels against nature at that moment. Once someone causes us damage, we naturally want to soothe the pain somehow…. just so we can get over the sting of what happened to us. Being angry and unforgiven feels like the only power we have at that moment. It’s our fleshes way of rising up in our defense at the injustice being done to us. If, however, we are a Christian, we are not walking after the ways of the flesh and this includes unforgiveness. There have been so many sermons already that tell us things like, “Let it go, forgive, so God can defend you…” “Give it to God, he will avenge you.”” If you don’t forgive, you can’t be forgiving.” “Jesus forgave you, so you have to forgive your enemies.” We all know all about these very truthful and honest reasons to let go and let God handle it. What we need to know is how. How do we forgive when our flesh screams out for revenge… or when the person who hurt us is laughing in our face…. how do we forgive when the pain is ongoing?

I’m writing this blog while I am in the worst battle I have ever entered into in my entire life… I’ve had some hard battles, but this one takes the cake because the people who are hurting me are people I have tried so hard to bless and to love. While the fact that these people are choosing to return to me evil for good will make it really hard for them when they answer to God, that knowledge doesn’t cause me to shrug and say, “I forgive” and it doesn’t heal the hurt I feel or stop me from crying off and on all day at the thought of everything that is happening. So what do I do about forgiving the person who hurt me and my family? How can I forgive when I’m still in so much pain, when I still have my husband waking up with nightmares because this situation caused a severe post-traumatic stress reaction from a past trauma….. and when my very home is now a place we loathe to be in because my once strong , joyful loving husband has become an anxious wreck who hurts from the same betrayal? On top of all of this, the person who did this doesn’t even care. How do I forgive that? I don’t want to in my flesh, my flesh wants to sell everything and move far away and hide from everyone.

God’s word says he will avenge me, he will hold the person who created the pain I’m being forced to deal with accountable….and he wants me to let it go, so he can deal with them and I can get back to my life. So, while I am crying my heart out several times a day because of this situation…. and praying for God to help me and the other victims…I have to get control of my own flesh and say, “I chose to forgive (name, name) for what they have done, I release them from their debt to me. I chose to walk in love towards (name, name) and pray you bless them.” I know while I release their debt to me for the pain they caused, this doesn’t get them off the hook with God. While I elect to walk in love towards them, they will be held accountable for how they walked towards me (and others) by God. I chose to forgive and love them BY FAITH… meaning, I don’t have to feel like doing it… I can actually feel like doing the opposite, but I chose to line up my will (I control my will) with GOD’S will. Even in my pain… I chose to serve God and do what he says. I may not see God avenge me, but I know he will…. Likewise, I also chose to let go of needing to see my enemies rewarded for the evil they have done. Instead, I cling to the Lord, and his blessings and promises. He will bless me, and he will right the wrong in my life.

Psalms 23:4-5

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

The rod and staff are for correction and guidance. When I submit to God and do what he tells me to do, I am comforted.

⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

The very people who unjustly caused me pain, loss, and anguish will see the Lord blessing me abundantly.

Romans 12:16-21

¹⁶ Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

We need to love even the people who a lower than us. We are never to get into the mindset that we are above anyone else.

¹⁷ Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

We are not to seek revenge for the evil men/women have done to us. Deal honestly with everyone.

¹⁸ If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Try to create and foster peace with everyone. The wording is “If it be possible” means that there are some situations where evildoers create strife.

¹⁹ Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Forgive, love and turn it over to God by faith, he will avenge his children….and he will also avenge the innocent.

²⁰ Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

When you chose to walk in love and forgiveness towards the people who have done evil to you and your family, and you continue to bless this person, then your father God will judge them and show them your acts of love towards them and their evil and selfish acts towards you and HE will judge them for the evil they have done to someone who was acting Christlike towards them. Let me also say, that any time an innocent person is abused…. even if the person wasn’t a Christian, God will hold that evildoer accountable. God will also hold the person accountable for pain that is caused to other people that weren’t directly targeted, yet affected by an evil and selfish act on their part.

²¹ Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Our job is to walk in Love…. to overcome the hate with Love.